Important Lessons Ladies Can Learn from Men
I don’t know who originated the idea that men needed to “get in touch” with their feminine side. This brainchild that men have some untapped reservoir of female inclinations – which social conditioning has caused them to suppress and they need to re-connect with – is often stated like a scientific absolute. But if such a dormant capacity exists in men, is there not an equally vital source of balance roaming around in the female psyche as well?
Frankly, I don’t think women or men need to “get in touch” with some gender-based alter ego; rather we just have to recognize the timeless equilibrium and wisdom that was intended to shape our behavior, which comes from having a good mom and a good dad! I am thankful everyday for the different approaches and responses to life my two parents modeled for me, which I still try and tap into today.
Un-Common Ground The fact of the matter is, men and women share a lot of common values, skills and perspectives, but there are places where the average guy tends to react according to predictable trends and the same is true of the gals. If it were not so, standup comedians would have nothing to make us laugh about.
Writer Nancy Clark identified some of the areas that a woman’s psychological compass tend to point to, which are now getting the recognition and respect they deserve. “The good news for women is that business now wants collaborative leadership, relationship skills, sharing of information, and win/win negotiation – skills that come easily to most women.”
For you women out there who are looking for a few tips on how to benefit by following men’s natural gradient, here are my top two:
- It isn’t about how you “feel”. I wish I could do a seminar at ESPN and tell all the women who cover sports that the first question they should ask a coach after losing the Super Bowl, or a player who just missed the final shot in the final second of the Final Four, is not, “How do you feel?” Yet, that is the first question every time. Are feelings important? Yes of course, but they are a very unreliable standard in most life situations. I don’t always “feel” like doing the right thing or always “feel” love for the people I love. Much of life is about ignoring our feelings and doing what we need to do, because that is what is expected of us.
- If everyone wins, there are no winners. I’m not talking about win-win scenarios, but rather to a phenomenon I have watched over the last 30 years. In all my summers playing Little League, my team only won the pennant one time. As a reward, I was given a trophy the size of a paper weight, which was a personal treasure. Therefore, I was shocked when each year, in various sports, no matter where my son’s placed, they were given a trophy. Well, you guessed it, by the time they were 12 they had enough trophies to fill a case and those trophies meant nothing. Losing is part of what motivates us to win and helps clarify what games in life we should be playing. Otherwise, we assume we are great and end up trying out for American Idol, only to make an idiot out of ourselves.
So ladies, the next time you feel one of your girlfriends needs a little balance, look at them confidently and say, “Man-Up, Girl!”